Self-Compassion

Self-compassion skills for stressful moments

Being a full-time student can sometimes be a challenge. Juggling the demands of college work, revision, working, and managing social and family commitments can be hard – finding that elusive work-life balance might seem like an impossible task sometimes!

The good news is that the simple and easy practice of self-compassion can be a useful strategy to help with this. Research has shown individuals who are higher in self-compassion are less likely to experience burnout and negative stress and are also more likely to be resilient, feel happier and importantly, more likely to achieve their goals.

Self-compassion can be viewed as three linked components (Neff 2003):

  • Self-kindness (not criticism)
  • Social connection (not isolation)
  • Mindful acceptance of feelings
Self compassion logo
What is self-compassion - self kindness, social connection, mindful acceptance of feelings

Here are ten little ways that can help you to build moments of self-compassion into your day, especially in times of stress or challenge.

  1. Speak kindly - When you make a mistake, or feel stressed, speak kindly to yourself about it. It is better to be an inner ally rather than an inner enemy. Would you say it to a friend? If not, then don’t say it to yourself.
  2. Tone, posture, and facial expression matter too - A compassionate tone, and open posture can help. If your inner voice is shouting kind words at you and your body is tense, this doesn’t count as a compassionate response. So, lower your register and relax your shoulders whilst you speak the words of comfort.
  3. Supportive gesture - Give yourself a hug! In moments of stress, you can turn down your fight or flight response through finding your supportive touch! Or try placing your hand near your heart space or cupping your hands around your face. See what feels the most comforting and try it.
  4. Seek out social connection - Spend your social time at college with friends who leave you feeling valued and listened to. Surround yourself with those who feel like radiators of energy, rather than drains.
  5. Ask for help - Everyone needs a little help now and then. We all go through difficulties in life and asking for help when you need it is a self-compassionate act, not a sign of weakness.
Image showing the self compassion skills referred to in the text
Photo of a heart
  1. Tune into the positive - When life is hard our brain tends to focus on the negatives of the situation. However, being more mindful to stop and soak up the small moments of laughter, joy, achievement, or excitement in your day can help to counter act the negative bias.
  2. S.L.O.W down - Soften your jaw. Lower your shoulders. Open your breath. Wiggle your toes on the ground. This self-compassion practice can be done anytime and anywhere.
  3. Use your breath - This is a simple way to activate your parasympathetic (self-soothing) system. Take a big deep breath. Make the out-breath twice as long as the in-breath. Take a few moments to feel the benefit of these lovely nourishing breaths.
  4. Types of rest - Reflect on what type of rest you need. Some of us might need mental rest (for example turning your social media off for a few hours) whilst others require social rest (a peaceful 5 mins). Perhaps it is sensory rest that you need right now (closing your eyes for a few minutes), or physical rest (an early night). What type of rest do you need?
  5. Find the micro-moments of self-compassion - Self-compassionate thinking, feeling, and acting does not have to take a lot of your time. You can be self-compassionate in small moments throughout your day. Find the little opportunities to practise and soak up the benefits.

(If this is the first time that you have practised or even thought about self-compassion, remember to go gently. For people who have not been very self-compassionate in the past, it can often feel hard or strange at first).

For more quick ways to be self-compassionate, watch these videos!

REFERENCES

  • Allen, A. B., & Leary, M. R. (2010). Self-Compassion, Stress, and Coping. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 4(2), 107–118.
  • Dalton-Smith, S. (2019). Sacred Rest: Recover your life, renew your energy, restore your sanity. Faithwords.
  • Dunn, H., & Sims, C. (2022). An exploration of the awareness, use and impact of self-compassion practices amongst UK teachers of adolescent students. European Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 6, 13, 1-14.
  • Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
  • Zarate, K et al. (2019). Meta-analysis of mindfulness training on teacher well-being. Psychology in the Schools, 56(10), 1700–1715.
  • Bayliss L (2021). Self-Compassion for Educators. Mindful Practices to awaken your wellbeing and grow resilience. PSI Publishing.