Five ways to Resilience

Resilience is one of those words that you hear a lot but might not be able to put into words to define it. You are not the only one! There are over 100 different definitions of resilience so its no wonder there might be a little confusion. Having said this, the use of resilience skills can be enormously helpful in life.

Resilience is not a fixed personality trait - Sometimes people make the mistake of thinking that resilience is a personality trait, that some of us have and some of us don’t. We all know people who seem to sail through life with no stress or problems after all. However, it is not that these people are resilient, and we are not, its more likely that those people who seem to sail through life have developed a set of resilience skills that help them to buffer against the stressful effects. Everyone goes through ups and down in life and our resilience can help us manage the difficulty. It’s a bit like being a tree rooted in the ground and being able to weather the storm.

Resilience does not mean that you are able to keep going no matter what – when I ask people what resilience means to them, I often hear people telling me that it means to stay strong, keep going or never give up. Whilst perseverance is a part of what it means to be resilient, so is asking for help. Resilient people know when to keep going, and when they need to stop and get some help from others. Resilient people do not see that asking for help or assistance as a sign of weakness.

Resilience can be learned - A famous resilience researcher ( Ann Masten) calls it our ordinary magic. By saying this she means that we all have the capability within us to develop resilience. Some people have a better start at it than others (depending on their upbringing and other social and environmental factors), but the good news is that with practise, resilience can be a source of support within us all, ready and waiting for us to use when we need it.

Resilience is a set of skills - that can help you to navigate through difficult times in life. Using resilience, you can not only weather the storm, but also learn and grow as a result of living through it.

Each person’s set of resilience skills may be different -  because we are all obviously different to each other. So, what works for one person might not have the same positive effect for others. For example, some people find that mindfulness really helps them whereas others will hate it! It is all about learning what helps you.

There are a handful of common skills that you can easily practise that will help you to develop good resilience skills. You can find out more about how to use them by watching the videos below.